A blind guy came to a bar and ask if he can tell a Blond Joke. The bartender said : Well, I'm blond, the two grils beside you are blond and they are martial expert. the two girls behind you are blond and they are just out of jail. Do you still want to tell your joke ?
The blind guy : Well, If I have to explain it 5 times, never mind.
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A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.
"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the $%$@ out of all of you!"
St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago..."