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A Joke a Day Keeps The Boredom Away . . .

ripjack13

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This will be the 1st year in the last 10 years that I don't run the Boston Marathon due to Covid. Kind of disappointing. I mean the other 9 years I didn't run it because I really don't exercise much and I've never actually run in any kind of marathon so I doubt I could finish it in any reasonable time, but yea, this year it's just not the same.
 

vegas urban lumber

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This will be the 1st year in the last 10 years that I don't run the Boston Marathon due to Covid. Kind of disappointing. I mean the other 9 years I didn't run it because I really don't exercise much and I've never actually run in any kind of marathon so I doubt I could finish it in any reasonable time, but yea, this year it's just not the same.
slacker
 

trc65

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You can do what they've been doing for all the races around here. You run it by yourself, time yourself, and upload a short video of yourself running. A so called "virtual" race.

Just a hint though Marc, for somebody in your age group and fitness level, you probably shouldn't claim a time much under 8 hours or so for your virtual race :sofa: .
 

vegas urban lumber

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You can do what they've been doing for all the races around here. You run it by yourself, time yourself, and upload a short video of yourself running. A so called "virtual" race.

Just a hint though Marc, for somebody in your age group and fitness level, you probably shouldn't claim a time much under 8 hours or so for your virtual race :sofa: .
i see a world record in Marc's virtual future
 

phinds

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It's been pretty cold here in NY lately but it could be worse. I could be in Finland

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Nubsnstubs

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IN CASE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THIS LITTLE TIDBIT OF WONDERFUL TRIVIA..............
ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON.
HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON,
"THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.
BUT, JUST BEFORE HE RE-ENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."
MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGHT IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT.
HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS ..
OVER THE YEARS, MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE 'GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY' STATEMENT MEANT,
BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.
ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA , WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION ABOUT Mr.
Gorsky TO ARMSTRONG.
THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED BECAUSE HIS MR. GORSKY HAD JUST DIED,SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD NOW ANSWER THE QUESTION. HERE IS THE ANSWER TO
"WHO WAS MR. GORSKY":
IN 1938, WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MID-WESTERN TOWN , HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD.
HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THEIR BEDROOM WINDOW. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY.
AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY,
"SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
It broke the place up.
NEIL ARMSTRONG'S FAMILY CONFIRMED THAT THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
............ Jerry (in Tucson)
 

Nubsnstubs

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Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: When you get Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's softball there.'

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'

'Who is it'
, asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Barb - it's me, Rose.'

'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'

'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,'
insisted the voice.

'Rose! Where are you?'

'In Heaven,'
replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news'

'Tell me the good news first,'
said Barb.

'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all yo again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'

'That's fantastic,'
said Barb. 'It's beyond my wild dreams! So what's the bad news?'

'You're pitching Tuesday.'
........... Jerry (in Tucson)
 

DLJeffs

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I'm an engineer so don't nobody claim I'm discriminating or being a bully or something...

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog -- now that's cool."
 

Gdurfey

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I'm an engineer so don't nobody claim I'm discriminating or being a bully or something...

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog -- now that's cool."
As another engineer, I saw that one coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

DLJeffs

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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
 
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