I knew it!!!
A Joke a Day Keeps The Boredom Away . . .
- Thread starter Kevin
- Start date
The latest weight loss fad specifically for woodworkers:
Walking to the paint store to get thinner.
Walking to the paint store to get thinner.
That reminds me of friends of ours who were in the Air Force in Panama. He was sent to Alaska and his son ran cross country. It was during moose rut. They tied bells on their shoe laces but often ran into moose on the trail. I figured they had the best cross country team in the country.
Wish there was a creek flowing across Lil Mikey Estate! But then again, he probably would never get around to actually building it!
Heck, you don't need a creek, just dig a trench, dump in some rocks and build your bridge. If anyone asks, just tell them the creek dried up this year it's been so dry.
Or, just build yourself a koi pond and put it on one side of it and you'll have a "scenic overlook"!
Or, just build yourself a koi pond and put it on one side of it and you'll have a "scenic overlook"!
Deep Thoughts
by Lil Mikey
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
by Lil Mikey
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Only for a very short period of time before they melted due to the heat of friction. Probably wouldn't matter much as you'd be plastered into a red jell in the back of the car from the g-forces of acceleration.
You miss a point, define work. IF a light lights up, does it work? Does it need to broadcast light? So the light could in deed activate, but not necessarily broadcast light in the direction the vehicle is traveling. However light could be diffracting in other directions. Like littering light along the way.
Cartoonist adds drawings to other peoples pictures
illustrator-adds-fun-cartoons-to-other-instagram-users-photos/
Here are a few of the funnier ones:
illustrator-adds-fun-cartoons-to-other-instagram-users-photos/
Here are a few of the funnier ones:
One day, @ripjack13 started noticing Lil Mikey carrying a $100 bill every single day to his rock, lifting the rock up and slipping it in under his rock. This went on for days on end. Well, this was too much for @ripjack13 – he had to know! One day @ripjack13 approached Lil Mikey and asked, “Hey buddy, why do you keep slipping $100 bills under your rock, and where do you get them?” Well, Lil Mikey was taken aback somewhat but then got a serious look on his face. He says, “Can we meet in the big corner office at Woodbarter Headquarters and talk?”
@ripjack13 says yes, and they go into his corner office within the Woodbarter Inner Sanctum. The door closes, and Lil Mikey starts to spill his beans! “Well, I make a bet every day with someone new that I can kiss my right eye.” Well, with @ripjack13 knowing what he knows about the world, he is skeptical, laughs, and says, “No way - you can't do that.” Lil Mikey smirks and says - “Wanna bet?”
@ripjack13 agrees, and quick as a wink, Lil Mikey takes out his fake right eye and plants a kiss on it. By that time, @ripjack13 feels kinda silly and gives Lil Mikey his $100 bill. But feeling that somehow he had just been hustled and cheated, @ripjack13 wants his $100 bill back. Lil Mikey ponders for a second and says, “OK, but with a twist! I’m pretty sure that you are wearing red gurly panties. If I’m wrong, I’ll give you back your $100 bill plus another $100 bill.
Thinking that he’s just too smart and that Lil Mikey is too much of a redneck hillbilly, banjo-liking, ex-Texan troglodyte, he agrees to the bet. However, Lil Mikey adds this to spice it up a bit. “Before you drop your pants, we need 8 witnesses to make it official.” @ripjack13 nods agreesment and summons all the Woodbarter Moderators to come to his corner office of the Woodbarter Inner Sanctum. When all were gathered, @ripjack13 proceeds to drop trou! Even thou his unmentionables were purple and leopard-spotted speed-o’s – they were not red gurly panties! He was stoked – he had not only got his $100 bill back, but he had bested Lil Mikey outta another $100 bill.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he notices that Lil Mikey was all smiles – even after losing all that money to a smart operator. Confused, he asks Lil Mikey, “You seem happy, why are you happy about losing all that cash?” Lil Mikey grins, “Well, I had a $100 bet with each of your Moderators about whether I could get you to drop your pants!”
We cut away from this sad scene of @ripjack13 crying, the Moderators rolling around laughing, and Lil Mikey, with a handful of $100 bills, going down the lane to his rock, skipping and singing “Lou, Lou, Skip to my Lou….!”
@ripjack13 says yes, and they go into his corner office within the Woodbarter Inner Sanctum. The door closes, and Lil Mikey starts to spill his beans! “Well, I make a bet every day with someone new that I can kiss my right eye.” Well, with @ripjack13 knowing what he knows about the world, he is skeptical, laughs, and says, “No way - you can't do that.” Lil Mikey smirks and says - “Wanna bet?”
@ripjack13 agrees, and quick as a wink, Lil Mikey takes out his fake right eye and plants a kiss on it. By that time, @ripjack13 feels kinda silly and gives Lil Mikey his $100 bill. But feeling that somehow he had just been hustled and cheated, @ripjack13 wants his $100 bill back. Lil Mikey ponders for a second and says, “OK, but with a twist! I’m pretty sure that you are wearing red gurly panties. If I’m wrong, I’ll give you back your $100 bill plus another $100 bill.
Thinking that he’s just too smart and that Lil Mikey is too much of a redneck hillbilly, banjo-liking, ex-Texan troglodyte, he agrees to the bet. However, Lil Mikey adds this to spice it up a bit. “Before you drop your pants, we need 8 witnesses to make it official.” @ripjack13 nods agreesment and summons all the Woodbarter Moderators to come to his corner office of the Woodbarter Inner Sanctum. When all were gathered, @ripjack13 proceeds to drop trou! Even thou his unmentionables were purple and leopard-spotted speed-o’s – they were not red gurly panties! He was stoked – he had not only got his $100 bill back, but he had bested Lil Mikey outta another $100 bill.
Then, out of the corner of his eye, he notices that Lil Mikey was all smiles – even after losing all that money to a smart operator. Confused, he asks Lil Mikey, “You seem happy, why are you happy about losing all that cash?” Lil Mikey grins, “Well, I had a $100 bet with each of your Moderators about whether I could get you to drop your pants!”
We cut away from this sad scene of @ripjack13 crying, the Moderators rolling around laughing, and Lil Mikey, with a handful of $100 bills, going down the lane to his rock, skipping and singing “Lou, Lou, Skip to my Lou….!”
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Oh man. Why cant I be lil mikey....
Guy at Super Bowl has an empty seat next to him and asks the guy on the other side of it if it is his. He said yes, that he and wife have had this pair of seats for 20 years. He keeps it in honor of her now since she passed. The first guy asked why he didn’t share it with a friend or family and the response was, “they’re all at the funeral.”