# Cows need love too... You just can't make this stuff up



## woodman6415 (Jul 26, 2016)

*Missouri man accused of seeking out cow for sex*
Harrison Keegan, Springfield (Mo.) News-Leader




















A 68-year-old Missouri man arrested after a woman caught him trying to have sex with her cow June 10, 2016, in Fair Grove, Mo.

FAIR GROVE, Mo. — Authorities spent six weeks investigating a case of cow rape and decided last week to charge a 68-year-old man with unlawful sex with an animal.

The woman who owned the cow walked into her barn the evening of June 10 after seeing a car that she could not identify parked near it. When she stepped inside, she told police that she found a naked man, later identified as Darrell Helton of Nixa, Mo., standing behind one of her cows trying to have sex with it.

Helton allegedly told Greene County sheriff's deputies that he went to the property in Fair Grove, about 15 miles northwest of Springfield in the southwest corner of the state; caught a cow; tied it to the corral; and tried to have sex with it. He said it was the second time he had engaged in sex acts with a cow on that property.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...n-arrested-sex-with-dogs-beastality/82199262/

Unlawful sex with an animal is a Class A misdemeanor punishable by up to one year behind bars.

Helton does not appear to have been jailed and has no lawyer listed for this case. _The News-Leader_ was unable to reach Helton for comment using phone numbers listed for him in online records.

Sent from my iPhone

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Kevin (Jul 26, 2016)

I would have been fine all day without knowing this.

Reactions: Agree 7


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## Mike1950 (Jul 26, 2016)

I think i have to agree with kevin on this one. Yikes.....

Reactions: Agree 2


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## woodman6415 (Jul 26, 2016)

It's udderly ridiculous ...

Reactions: Funny 9


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## woodman6415 (Jul 26, 2016)

And she said ... That ain't no bull

Reactions: Funny 2


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## rocky1 (Jul 26, 2016)

He wouldn't steer you wrong either!

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 2


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## Kevin (Jul 26, 2016)

He must have a steak in this somehow.

Reactions: Funny 3


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## ripjack13 (Jul 26, 2016)

Mooooove over bacon.....here comes something meatier...

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Kevin (Jul 26, 2016)

Heard he tried cow tipping but the cow said it had no ise for money.....

Reactions: Like 1


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## woodman6415 (Jul 26, 2016)

He said it lasted so long because he kept having to get down and walk around to kiss her

Reactions: Funny 5


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## woodman6415 (Jul 26, 2016)

I can just imagine the phone call to local hospital .... Hello this is Deputy Jim Bob .... I'll need you to send somebody out to Mrs. Mary's barn out in rural route 177 ... Bring a rape kit ... A large one if you have it ... It will be for bossy ... Yup that's right the Jersey in stall 2 ... Hurry she's due her milking soon ... Thank you


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## Don Ratcliff (Jul 26, 2016)

I started reading this and thought the same thing Kevin did in his first post. Then things went in a direction that surprised me. Y'all need to stop this, stop it now...

Reactions: Like 1


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## woodman6415 (Jul 26, 2016)

It's all cowabunga man


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## ripjack13 (Jul 26, 2016)

It was pasture bedtime so he couldn't take her to the moovies, so they decided to have a nice quiet beef stoganoff dinner then a little dancing, cuz he said he has the moooves like jagger.

Reactions: Funny 5 | Creative 1


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## DKMD (Jul 26, 2016)

You guys are really milking this one, and it's starting to get a little cheesy.

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 4


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## Don Ratcliff (Jul 26, 2016)

ripjack13 said:


> It was pasture bedtime so he couldn't take her to the moovies, so they decided to have a nice quiet beef stoganoff dinner then a little dancing, cuz he said he has the moooves like jagger.


I give up...

Reactions: Agree 2


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## ripjack13 (Jul 26, 2016)

Don Ratcliff said:


> I give up...

Reactions: Funny 4


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## Brink (Jul 26, 2016)

I never took a cow home on Saturday night...
But I woke up with a few.

Reactions: Great Post 1 | Funny 2 | Way Cool 1


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## rocky1 (Jul 26, 2016)

I woke up next to an ugly girl once... A bunch of times!!

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Don Ratcliff (Jul 26, 2016)

rocky1 said:


> I woke up next to an ugly girl once... A bunch of times!!


Thank you Mr. Rodney Carrington... He is a damn fine comedian though.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 2


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## rocky1 (Jul 26, 2016)

He's a trip... Bought 4 - 5 of his CDs many moons ago, as in that was about all he had out then, and took them along with us working bees one day. My old man and his hired hand had never heard him. They couldn't get anything done they were laughing so hard. Have a friend said, he's even funnier live, he puts on a really good show.

Reactions: EyeCandy! 1 | Agree 2 | Way Cool 1


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## DKMD (Jul 26, 2016)

Carrington came through town several months ago, and he was hysterical. I hadn't seen him or pictures of him in quite a while, but he looked like he had eaten his old self... He made fun of himself all night about the weight he had gained.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Tony (Jul 26, 2016)

He is hilarious in person, even better than on CD, totally worth seeing if you can, especially for this crowd. Tony


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## Don Ratcliff (Jul 26, 2016)

Tony said:


> He is hilarious in person, even better than on CD, totally worth seeing if you can, especially for this crowd. Tony


Seldom does a comedian come to maui, and nothing redneck makes it past parts of California.


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## Tony (Jul 26, 2016)

Don Ratcliff said:


> Seldom does a comedian come to maui, and nothing redneck makes it past parts of California.



Next time he comes to Texas I'll PM you. You put the mai-tai down and bring your island butt here. Kevin and I will show you a good time! Tony

Reactions: Great Post 1


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## Spinartist (Jul 26, 2016)

Youtube "show them to me" by Rodney... Too funny

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Wildthings (Jul 26, 2016)




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## ripjack13 (Jul 26, 2016)

Don Ratcliff said:


> Seldom does a comedian come to maui, and nothing redneck makes it past parts of California.



Aloha Fluffy.....look it up. I saw him when he came here. At where else? The Hu Ke Lau....
He is one funny dude....

Reactions: Sincere 1


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