# Kenbo, I may get to own you :-)



## phinds (Nov 29, 2018)

If it is possible, I'd have to convert to orthodox Judaism, but hey, it could be worth it ... 

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.

It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your adoring fan. James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus, Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education University of Virginia (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)

Reactions: Great Post 1 | Funny 5


----------



## ripjack13 (Nov 29, 2018)

Oh man....I have been wanting a canadien for years!

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1 | Funny 4


----------



## Tom Smart (Nov 29, 2018)

ripjack13 said:


> Oh man....I have been wanting a canadien for years!


Would be cool, huh? What do they eat?

Reactions: Funny 2


----------



## ripjack13 (Nov 29, 2018)

Lots of maple stuff from what i hear....

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 2


----------



## Tony (Nov 29, 2018)

Tom Smart said:


> Would be cool, huh? What do they eat?



I think it's called pouteen. I'm sure I butchered the spelling because they spell things wrong up there.....

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## Schroedc (Nov 29, 2018)

All dressed potato chips. If you haven't had them, find them and try them. It's a Canadian thing.

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## Tom Smart (Nov 29, 2018)

ripjack13 said:


> Oh man....I have been wanting a canadien for years!


Are they house broken?

Reactions: Great Post 1 | Funny 6


----------



## Mike1950 (Nov 29, 2018)

Tom Smart said:


> Are they house broken?


 i doubt it..

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## phinds (Nov 29, 2018)

Tom Smart said:


> Are they house broken?


Actually, they're generally quite tame and fairly easily housebroken. They do have this annoying habit of cocking their head, looking at you quizzically, and saying "eh?" in a rather plaintive voice.

Reactions: Funny 4


----------



## Schroedc (Nov 29, 2018)

Tom Smart said:


> Are they house broken?



I've heard they are obsessively neat, picking up every speck and scrap as soon as it hits the floor.....

Reactions: Agree 2 | Funny 1


----------



## Tony (Nov 29, 2018)

I would buy one, but I'm afraid they would melt before they hit the Mason-Dixon line.

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 4


----------



## rocky1 (Nov 29, 2018)

Well before y'all rush out and buy one, be sure you get one that doesn't drink beer. Cause you'll never be able to afford to keep him if he does.

Reactions: Funny 4


----------



## mdlbldrmatt135 (Nov 30, 2018)

rocky1 said:


> Well before y'all rush out and buy one, be sure you get one that doesn't drink beer. Cause you'll never be able to afford to keep him if he does.



Damn... that might be rarer than a hen's tooth......

Reactions: Funny 2


----------



## rocky1 (Nov 30, 2018)

You're the only I know that don't drink!!! 

That doesn't necessarily mean you're sane... but at least maybe someone could afford to keep you.


----------



## CWS (Nov 30, 2018)

I hope this is not true. If we could buy them then they could buy us and it's gets damn cold up there.

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## phinds (Nov 30, 2018)

CWS said:


> I hope this is not true. If we could buy them then they could buy us and it's gets damn cold up there.


No, historically the more powerful country gets to take slaves from the weaker country.

Reactions: Way Cool 1


----------



## Mike1950 (Nov 30, 2018)

How much does a @Kenbo cost- It sure would be nice to have my shop clean???

Reactions: Agree 2 | Funny 2


----------



## Tom Smart (Nov 30, 2018)

Mike1950 said:


> How much does a @Kenbo cost- It sure would be nice to have my shop clean???


I don't think buying is the way to go. Even if they are tame and house broken, you have to feed em and let em out all the time. I'd consider renting though, just for shop maintenance.

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 2


----------



## Tony (Nov 30, 2018)

Good idea @Tom Smart!

I could use 'em one weekend a month to clean the Shop as well.

Reactions: Funny 1


----------



## DKMD (Nov 30, 2018)

Tony said:


> Good idea @Tom Smart!
> 
> I could use 'em one weekend a month to clean the Shop as well.



Pretty sure any respectable Canadian would kill themselves if they even saw your shop!

Reactions: Agree 3 | Funny 3


----------



## Mike1950 (Nov 30, 2018)

DKMD said:


> Pretty sure any respectable Canadian would kill themselves if they even saw your shop!



Ken would have the big one if he saw mine.....

Reactions: Funny 2


----------



## Tony (Nov 30, 2018)

DKMD said:


> Pretty sure any respectable Canadian would kill themselves if they even saw your shop!



I'm not going to say you are wrong Doc.

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 1


----------



## rocky1 (Nov 30, 2018)

One weekend a month??!

Reactions: Funny 2


----------



## phinds (Nov 30, 2018)

rocky1 said:


> One weekend a month??!


Well, that would be 11 weekends a year more than I spend cleaning MY shop.

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 2


----------



## Kenbo (Dec 1, 2018)

Mike1950 said:


> Ken would have the big one if he saw mine.....

Reactions: Funny 10


----------



## CWS (Dec 1, 2018)

phinds said:


> No, historically the more powerful country gets to take slaves from the weaker country.


I'm not sure we are still the most powerful country


----------



## phinds (Dec 1, 2018)

CWS said:


> I'm not sure we are still the most powerful country


Nah, Canada could never take us in a fair fight and they are too polite for the kind of sneakiness that we would likely engage in if needed.

Reactions: Funny 1


----------



## CWS (Dec 1, 2018)

phinds said:


> Nah, Canada could never take us in a fair fight and they are too polite for the kind of sneakiness that we would likely engage in if needed.


They are very polite and have a beautiful country.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


----------



## rocky1 (Dec 1, 2018)

They'd be tough till they got to the first package store, or bar, then they'd all be drunk and goofy as hell. All we'd have to do is throw Lablatts or Windsor at em and it would all be over with.

Reactions: Funny 4


----------



## phinds (Dec 1, 2018)

rocky1 said:


> They'd be tough till they got to the first package store, or bar, then they'd all be drunk and goofy as hell. All we'd have to do is throw Lablatts or Windsor at em and it would all be over with.


That might not work with Kenbo. My understanding is that he only drinks beer on days that have letters in the name.

Reactions: Funny 4


----------



## Mike1950 (Dec 1, 2018)

CWS said:


> They are very polite and have a beautiful country.


They are crazed. Went to grey bowl once in Vancouver. Both sides celebrated. Down a schooner of beer. Then bite 3 or 4 bites around top of glass and spit them into schooner. They went through boxes of glasses


----------



## phinds (Dec 1, 2018)

Mike1950 said:


> They are crazed.


Yes, but they ARE very polite

Reactions: Like 1


----------



## Mike1950 (Dec 1, 2018)

phinds said:


> Yes, but they ARE very polite


They are.


----------



## Schroedc (Dec 1, 2018)

My kid has gotten me watching a show called Letterkenny.... Those Canadians I don't know if I'd want

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## DKMD (Dec 1, 2018)

Schroedc said:


> My kid has gotten me watching a show called Letterkenny.... Those Canadians I don't know if I'd want



The Letterkenny”cold open” video on YouTube makes me laugh every time I watch it... I’d link it, but the Canadian vocabulary is not fit for family consumption.

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 3


----------



## Schroedc (Dec 1, 2018)

DKMD said:


> The Letterkenny”cold open” video on YouTube makes me laugh every time I watch it... I’d link it, but the Canadian vocabulary is not fit for family consumption.



I'm still waiting to hear if the Ostrich thing ever happened....

Reactions: Like 1


----------



## CWS (Dec 1, 2018)

Mike1950 said:


> They are crazed. Went to grey bowl once in Vancouver. Both sides celebrated. Down a schooner of beer. Then bite 3 or 4 bites around top of glass and spit them into schooner. They went through boxes of glasses


Have you ever been to Texas? If I had to make a choice between Dallas or Toronto I would be drinking Lablatts not Lonestar.

Reactions: Agree 2


----------



## Mike1950 (Dec 1, 2018)

Been to canada a few times. They are crazy...

Reactions: Agree 1


----------



## Mr. Peet (Dec 1, 2018)

I saw the floor in my shop last week, looked wet so I covered it back up with more wood scraps....

Reactions: Funny 5


----------



## Tony (Dec 1, 2018)

CWS said:


> Have you ever been to Texas? If I had to make a choice between Dallas or Toronto I would be drinking Lablatts not Lonestar.

Reactions: Funny 1


----------



## Kenbo (Dec 2, 2018)

rocky1 said:


> They'd be tough till they got to the first package store, or bar, then they'd all be drunk and goofy as hell. All we'd have to do is throw Lablatts or Windsor at em and it would all be over with.




Wouldn't work for me. I don't drink at all so I'm good to go.

Reactions: Like 3


----------



## phinds (Dec 2, 2018)

Kenbo said:


> Wouldn't work for me. I don't drink at all so I'm good to go.


Ah, jeez Kenbo, you keep a clean shop, you're polite, AND you're sober? What the hell are you doing here on WB?

Reactions: Great Post 1


----------



## Kenbo (Dec 2, 2018)

phinds said:


> Ah, jeez Kenbo, you keep a clean shop, you're polite, AND you're sober? What the hell are you doing here on WB?




Silently watching y'all so that you don't hurt yourselves.

Reactions: Like 1 | Thank You! 1 | Funny 5


----------



## woodman6415 (Dec 2, 2018)

Tony said:


> Good idea @Tom Smart!
> 
> I could use 'em one weekend a month to clean the Shop as well.


Two whole weeks a month couldn’t get your shop clean ...

Reactions: Agree 2


----------



## Don Ratcliff (Jan 4, 2021)

@Kenbo what slave auction are you registered with? I am putting in a bid today! Bring the wife too so she can keep you in line. Oh, and the grandkid so she doesn’t hit the Underground Railroad to escape. I have a feeling this Canadian ownership idea is going to get real expensive

Reactions: Funny 2


----------



## Mr. Peet (Jan 4, 2021)

Don Ratcliff said:


> @Kenbo what slave auction are you registered with? I am putting in a bid today! Bring the wife too so she can keep you in line. Oh, and the grandkid so she doesn’t hit the Underground Railroad to escape. I have a feeling this Canadian ownership idea is going to get real expensive



Wow, no body can get them now, Covid restrictions...where ya been?


----------



## Don Ratcliff (Jan 4, 2021)

Mr. Peet said:


> Wow, no body can get them now, Covid restrictions...where ya been?


Nah, if you get some nurse to attempt a frontal lobotomy with a pipe cleaner 72 hours in advance you can still come to Hawaii. If the nurse is successful they can just tell you that you went.


----------



## Mr. Peet (Jan 4, 2021)

Don Ratcliff said:


> Nah, if you get some nurse to attempt a frontal lobotomy with a pipe cleaner 72 hours in advance you can still come to Hawaii. If the nurse is successful they can just tell you that you went.



Amazed how painful the testing was. The eye closest to the nostril tested went bloodshot within 30 seconds. Took 2 weeks for that to clear. Never had an eye so bloodshot. Nose ran for an hour non stop. Headache was gone just after 4 hours. I would not freely repeat such testing. Less pain pushing an 8 penny common through the palm of the hand.


----------



## phinds (Jan 4, 2021)

I've read that there are different forms of the "reliable" (vs "quick") test and I can verify that. Mine was the swab up each nostril but not very deep and absolutely no pain involved. MUCH milder than I was expecting.


----------



## Don Ratcliff (Jan 4, 2021)

phinds said:


> I've read that there are different forms of the "reliable" (vs "quick") test and I can verify that. Mine was the swab up each nostril but not very deep and absolutely no pain involved. MUCH milder than I was expecting.


That one doesn't count to come here, you must endure some pain and suffering before being worthy of crossing the moat

Reactions: Funny 3


----------

