# Xmas poem posted by Mike Hill



## phinds (Dec 27, 2019)

This was in the wrong thread so I moved it here:

*EDIT: I was wrong. Should have left it where @Mike Hill put it. Apologies, Mike. I only got half way through then moved it. Should have read the whole thing.*

'Twas two nights after Christmas, when all through the house
Only one kitty was stirring, silent as a mouse.
Mama’s stockings had been hung in the shower with care,
At least they were better off there than the back of a chair.
Old Mikey was nestled all snug in his bed;
With visions of cheesecake dancing in his head;
With mamma in her flannels, he had no use for a cap,
They had just settled their brains for a long warm nap,
When at the back door there arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the door he coulda flown like a flash,
But being old, he only schlepped thru the Christmas trash.
Turning left past the kitchen, he stopped dead in his track,
Where what did he see, but two beady eyes staring right back.
As Old Mikey’s eyes adjust to the glow of moonlight,
A ghostly form emerges from the dark of the night,
Two eyes, a short snout and a scary dark mask
Old Mikey knew who it was without having to ask.
He knew in a moment, It was a right portly old raccoon,
Making it again to the back door by the light of the moon.
With his smaller traveling buddy, the one called “Clapper”,
They were both standing at the door looking oh so dapper.
More rapid than eagles the buddies they came,
Snarling and snorting they called him by name:
"Now, Old Man! now, Old Mikey! We’re hungry as bears!
On, Old Man! on, Old Mikey!, Feed us your spares!
To the top of the deck! to the top of the wall!
Now feed away! feed away! feed away all!"
Opening the door, Old Mikey did throw,
Dog food and scraps, past the jamb they go.
With bellies full of food, and a twinkle it their eye
They vanished into the dark, without even saying bye!
In that twinkling, he heard with great awe,
The prancing and pawing of each little paw.
Smiling with glee, Old Mikey turned in a flash
For he knew, to the bathroom he must quickly dash!
The pressure was on, his prostrate would be useless that day,
Standing at the throne he had time to think and nothing to say.
As he drew in his...ahem.., and was turning around,
Down the hallway he glanced, knowing sleep wouldn’t be found.
He made it to his chair and settled right in.
Turning on his FirePad, he checked for a win.
He was grateful that his boys had not played bad;
Then he turned to Woodbarter to see what could be had!
A bundle of alerts, he had saved up a bunch,
So many, that he thought – this will take me to lunch!
His eyes—how they twinkled! his baggy eyes, how merry!
His cheeks were like sandpaper, his knuckles so hairy!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like in a bow,
And the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
He had a broad face and a pretty big tummy
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of yummy!
A bad-breathed old man Old Mikey was appalled;
Roaming thread to thread, until his eyes got stalled.
He could not look away, it was more than chin music.
He could not look away, not often had he see a fossil oosik!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And he laughed all about it, in spite of himself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
A stroke of his beard soon proved he had nothing to dread;
Out came the tape, he had want to measure
To prove to everyone that his oosik was bigger for sure.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
He made all the measurements; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
He gave a faint nod, he wanted to tell all his wood bros.
Yet not wanting to brag, he did hold back
He continued to look, he was no megalomaniac.
He sprang up in his chair and gave a faint whistle
He gasped at what he saw, it made his hair bristle
Right there on his monitor, you could not disclaim
Such purdy wood, it gives Woodbarter acclaim.
Consumed with the itch, he could not turn away
There before him, behold a decadent display.
He looked and he looked until he could no more
Slumped in his chair, smiling, he gave a big snore.
With that wry little smirk one could easily misjudge
But you still had to wonder if it was more than a smudge.
No sugar plums were dancing in his head
No cheesecake either, do not be misled.
Cellulose – beautiful cellulose – He was building castles in the air
Perchance, unattainable, it just doesn’t seem fair.
Yet, like a good toadie
He was heard to groan quite throaty
Merry Christmas to all – My baculum - bigger than all – and to all a good night!
With that he was out like a light.

Reactions: Like 1 | Way Cool 5 | Creative 2


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## woodtickgreg (Dec 27, 2019)

Moved what here? I dont see anything.


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## phinds (Dec 27, 2019)

woodtickgreg said:


> Moved what here? I dont see anything.


Yer too damned fast. Look again

Reactions: Funny 1


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## woodtickgreg (Dec 27, 2019)

Very cool


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## Mr. Peet (Dec 27, 2019)

phinds said:


> This was in the wrong thread so I moved it here:
> 
> 'Twas two nights after Christmas, when all through the house
> Only one kitty was stirring, silent as a mouse.
> ...



There's a Hill no one will be climbing soon. Wow, interesting read.


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## barry richardson (Dec 28, 2019)

I nominate Mike the Woodbarter Laureate!

Reactions: Agree 4


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## ripjack13 (Dec 28, 2019)




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## David Van Asperen (Dec 28, 2019)

Awesome a very good read


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