# Reaching Out



## Jim Beam (Aug 10, 2017)

Hi all

I haven't been posting much at all lately. I've come to a really hard time in my life. At age 56, I did something really stupid and had to quit an extremely well-paying job in order to avoid being fired. On the plus side, my wife still loves me and earns plenty enough to support us. But personally I am dealing with so much anxiety, depression, and shame that each day is a struggle. I keep telling myself that I'm OK, I'm not a bad person, that things will get better, but I just feel like my guts are all twisted up. I only have a couple of friends and don't see them often, but I have started seeing a therapist and I know that will help.

This is a great community and I'm hoping that some of you will offer words of encouragement and support. I'll take anything I can get at this point.

Thanks for listening.

Reactions: Sincere 8


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## Tony (Aug 10, 2017)

Robert, been a while man! I'm sorry to hear about your job, but you need to remember that's all it is: a job. It doesn't define you or what you are. Jump back on here regularly and get out in the Shop. Stay busy, keep your brains and hands busy. You'll get through this man! Tony

Reactions: Like 1 | Thank You! 1 | Agree 5


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## Schroedc (Aug 10, 2017)

It'll all work out. 

Just remember, no matter what you did, you could have always screwed it up worse  at least that's what my wife tells me.

Keep dropping in. We're here dude.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## barry richardson (Aug 10, 2017)

Hey Robert, I know it's not easy to come forward like this, but you did the right thing, we have all been there in one way or another, hang in there....

Reactions: Like 1 | Thank You! 1 | Agree 1


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## Nature Man (Aug 10, 2017)

Glad you are back as you have been a bright spot here! Look forward whenever possible -- time will help heal wounds. Chuck

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## CWS (Aug 10, 2017)

I have battled with PTSD since 1970. I used beer and whisky to forget the things I had seen and done. In 1990 I hurt my back and turned to pain killers and anti depressents to hide my troubles. I now see a therapist and I am getting better at dealing with the my past. I know how it is to have those feelings. If you need to talk, send me a pm and I will give you my phone number.

Reactions: Like 1 | Thank You! 1 | Sincere 6


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## duncsuss (Aug 10, 2017)

Robert - I'm sorry you are in that place.

One thing I have found time and again: when I'm at the lathe turning, all my attention is focused on that very instant in time, on the tip of the gouge meeting the wood. It's like Zen meditation -- there's no space for thoughts going round and round in my head when I'm concentrating like that. Doesn't even have to be a project -- just turning a lump of wood into a pile of shavings I come away feeling like I've had a break from the negative feelings.

Best wishes.

Reactions: Like 1 | Thank You! 1 | Agree 5


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## Lou Currier (Aug 10, 2017)

@duncsuss so true...the lathe had become my happy place. 

@Jim Beam if you're not in jail all is good. Keep seeing the therapist, a lot of people are afraid of the stigma of seeing one but they are a neutral party who you can talk with without being judged. Please take CWS's advice and don't get caught up trying to self medicate...that only makes things worse and never fixes any problems. 

Hang in there

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 3


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## cabomhn (Aug 10, 2017)

I'm really sorry to hear about your job and your current struggles. Echoing what Lou said I think by seeking out a therapist you are on the right path. Nothing good comes from bottling up things inside and I've seen the toll it takes on people in my family. Keep talking, keep family close, seek out all the help you need, or even the help you don't even think you need.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## DKMD (Aug 10, 2017)

Sorry to hear of the struggles. We have all made bad choices and done dumb stuff... just human nature. Try to avoid letting one bad time ruin what might be a bunch of otherwise really good times.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Don Ratcliff (Aug 10, 2017)

Best advice I ever got and hated it when I got it was "Forgive yourself for what you have done regardless of what it was" I was stuck looking back at some very stupid mistakes I had made before and in a cyclical pattern of beating myself up over it. When I was able to forgive myself and be thankful for things like "My wife makes plenty of money to support us and still loves me" I could focus on what I could do to be a better me. You will get through this and find something better. Use this time to build yourself up and not tear yourself down.

If we could change the past we would never reach our full potential because mistakes teach us so much more than our success. You have lots of friends here Robert, lots of crazy rotten, stinking friends. They range from pocket size like a silly Texan to the coolest of islanders. Oh and @Lou Currier aint so bad himself, not to mention he is the only one that can make a Lou map (now that he has had to learn what island is what)

Reactions: Like 2 | Thank You! 1 | Agree 2 | Great Post 1 | Funny 1 | Sincere 2


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## woodtickgreg (Aug 10, 2017)

Half the battle to recovery is being able to recognize that you need help, kudo's to you for that. I have sought out help before, there is no shame in that. We all make mistakes, learn from them. Don't dwell on what was, think about what is and what will be. Just let it go and move on.

Reactions: Like 2 | Thank You! 1 | Agree 1


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## Kenbo (Aug 10, 2017)

We all make mistakes and we all make poor decisions. It is what we do with the majority of our life that defines us and not the few times that we mess up or make mistakes or poor judgements. I have always had a theory that our lives consist of thirds. There are 24 hours in a day and there are three thirds in this 24 hour period, each consisting of 8 hours. We have 8 hours where we work, 8 hours where we sleep and 8 hours where we have home time. If any one of those thirds is not right, it will affect the other 2 thirds. If you can't sleep, it will mess up your work, which will mess up your home time. If you home time is a mess, then it will affect your sleep which will affect your work. If you hate your job, it will affect your home life which will affect your sleep. You need to have all 3 of these things in order and if any one of them is out of whack, you need to fix it so that balance can be restored to your life of thirds. The bottom line here is that your work third is messed up and you are beating yourself up over it which is affecting your home life because it is upsetting to you and I can only imagine that it is also affecting your sleep third as well.
My advice? Forgive yourself, learn from your error and move on. Get yourself some new employment and open a new chapter on your life. This will surely make you feel better which will improve your home life which in turn will improve you sleep third. You're a good person and don't let anyone (including yourself) take that away from you. There is always someone, somewhere that looks up to you.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Great Post 4 | Sincere 3


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## NeilYeag (Aug 10, 2017)

Hi Robert. I agree with all of the other posters and comments. Believe me I have stared directly into the mouth of Hell more times that you can imagine. Particularly living and working overseas for so long. Worse when I was in China. I had a partner who was Chinese, but lived in the USA for most all of his life. I knew him for 15+years, well our biz really took off I brought in huge clients and then one day he decides he don't want to share no more so he gave me the 60 grit enema. Yep I had a contract, yep I had papers, but in China it is basically the same as your generic one ply toilet paper. So in the matter of a couple of days he wiped me out. Everyone told me, one door closes another one opens, blah blah blah. But man as you guys know when you are in the thick of it, it sure don't seem so. But you know what it did and it will for you, keep your friends and reach out don't isolate yourself. Communicate with your family. Keep your head up and don't go it alone. It will work out.....

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 1 | Great Post 1 | Sincere 2


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## Jim Beam (Aug 11, 2017)

CWS said:


> I have battled with PTSD since 1970. I used beer and whisky to forget the things I had seen and done. In 1990 I hurt my back and turned to pain killers and anti depressents to hide my troubles. I now see a therapist and I am getting better at dealing with the my past. I know how it is to have those feelings. If you need to talk, send me a pm and I will give you my phone number.



thanks Curt, that means a lot to me.


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## Jim Beam (Aug 11, 2017)

thanks to all of you. I will get through this, one day at a time.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Mike1950 (Aug 11, 2017)

Lots of good advice above Jim from good folks. Life is but a series of speed bumps. You will look back at this as just that. Gotta find the safe space to get your head screwed back on so moving forward becomes easier. I know easier said than done but I think you know what I mean. Had some very low spots in my life but it looks more like eduction process- in the rear view mirror. Find another job and move on. Gotta do it for that lovely wife of yours.....

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 2 | Great Post 1


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## Graybeard (Aug 11, 2017)

Wishing you all the best. Seeking help is a good move. One piece of advice is if you don't like or think you're making progress with your therapist get a different one. Many times when we're down we blame ourselves for it not working. Trust your gut.

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 5


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## Mike Hill (Aug 11, 2017)

One day at a time - maybe they ought to start a TV show! Our natural tendency is to beat up on ourselves. Wish we didn't do that! The ministries I've been the longest and most active with are with the homeless and prisoners. Those are places full of self beater uppers. Every once in a while one will take the recommendation of forgiving themselves, leaning on their loved ones, and turning their troubles over to the Big Guy Upstairs. It's hard but liberating. The change in their outlook is phenomenal. It doesn't feel like it, but you are blessed in ways you will eventually see again. Concentrate on your blessings - no matter how small they might seem. And let the Big Guy Upstairs help out. There will hardly be a second of a day that someone in this group of madcap sawdust manufacturers won't be thinking of you and praying. Now, lets talk New Mexico Fly Fishing!

Reactions: Like 4 | Agree 2 | Great Post 4


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## CWS (Aug 11, 2017)

Good morning Robert. Hope the sun is shining bright on you today. Positive thoughts today. Keeping you in my prayers.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 1


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## Jim Beam (Aug 11, 2017)

Thanks to all of you.

Reactions: Sincere 1


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## TimR (Aug 11, 2017)

Robert, some great words of encouragement, and likewise I'm confident you'll get thru this with a renewed outlook. I'm not a believer that "things happen for a reason", but rather that what happens is a matter of good luck, bad luck, good decisions, bad decisions. That you are able to type and tell us this is a sucky time for you but that you have a solid partner in your life means you've made an awful lot of good decisions and good luck has been on your side. Smile and reflect on that and consider how that could have been a much less desirable situation. 
Losing a good paying job would suck, and the sense of guilt perhaps around preventing it. Sorry for that, and while some may say "it's just a job", it sounds like you felt more about it. 
All I can really say is to count your blessings, pull together your thoughts on doing something to relax your mind (Turning is great for that) and start charting a change of course. You can't change the past, so fuhgetaboutit, and start living again! We're all behind you, and I think any would be open to a private conversation if needed. You're family here!

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1


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## gman2431 (Aug 11, 2017)

I'm a firm beleiver everything happens for a reason whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Trouble is when it's a bad thing people can get caught up and Not notice what the next potential is in life. You did it right and sought help which many are afraid to do and I commend ya for that. Now its time to look for the next purpose, potential, adventure, etc... man. Think of something you've always wanted to do and do it!!!


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## SENC (Aug 11, 2017)

God loves you, Robert, straight out and regardless of anything you've done or will do.

I sincerely hope that doesn't offend you (or anyone else), but it is something I honestly and completely believe and so I simply don't know a better way of supporting you than sharing that light with you and praying for you, which I will also do.

In addition to that, as is obvious by all of the responses above, know that you have a community here that you can share with, whether openly or privately, and who will offer support and guidance and well wishes in many different forms. Use what works for you, and keep coming back. One of us will need your prayer and guidance and support one day, too.

Reactions: Agree 3 | Great Post 1 | Sincere 1


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## CWS (Aug 13, 2017)

Hope your day is good Robert.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Tony (Aug 13, 2017)

Don't think we forgot about you Robert, we're all thinking about you and sending good wishes your way! Tony

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Jim Beam (Aug 13, 2017)

Thanks to all. Weekends are much easier, having the wife around helps. I'm gonna be OK, was just having a really rough week.

Reactions: Like 4 | Way Cool 1


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## Lou Currier (Aug 13, 2017)

It happens.

Reactions: Agree 1


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