# The official "Tony's not all there" thread



## SENC (Oct 16, 2014)

Ok, so this doesn't really apply to Tony, but it is a lot more fun when there is a target, even if inaccurate. Anyway, I love old adages (that means sayings, Tony), and the "not all there" sayings can be particularly funny. I know there are many different ones region by region. What are your favorites? Extra credit if wood related!

Here are a few of mine, in addition to the few used recently across the forum:

He doesn't have both oars in the water.
He only has half a cord in the woodshed.
He's not the sharpest tool in the shop.


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## Mike1950 (Oct 16, 2014)

all his dogs are not barking.
He is a waste of skin.
And one that gramps always told me when I was wishing or asking if too much-
If wish's were horses all beggars would ride -if horse turds were biscuits they would eat till they died!!
And one from my father- may need censored.
"I am so hungry I could eat a skunks A$$ho... raw!!!!"
Dad was quite the philosopher.

Reactions: Funny 3


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## JR Custom Calls (Oct 16, 2014)

Leave it to me to think of the most inappropriate one... his dad should have shot him on the wall

elevator doesn't go to the top
a few colors short of a rainbow
few rounds short of a full mag
got a screw loose up there

Probably plenty more that I can't think of without witnessing stupidity. Perhaps I'll run to Walmart real quick and come back with more.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## DavidDobbs (Oct 16, 2014)

Couple bricks shy of a full load
His bale is not tied tight
Stranger than a $3 bill (nice version)
1/2 bubble off

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Tclem (Oct 16, 2014)

I only use two of them
1. That dog won't hunt
2. Reminds me of @SENC. Lolllololol

Reactions: Funny 5


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## Kenbo (Oct 16, 2014)

The one that I use all the time.............

That man has an I.Q. of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Kevin (Oct 16, 2014)

He slipped off his lily pad
If I agreed with him, we'd both be wrong
A sandwich short of a picnic
A screw loose
He's a little dim
A few fries short of a happy meal
All wax and no wick 
His clutch is slippin
She could get lost in a broom closet
A deuce short of a full deck
And my favorite . . . you can't fix stupid. 



DavidDobbs said:


> Stranger than a $3 bill (nice version)



Queer as a 3 dollar bill (historically accurate version)

Reactions: Funny 3


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## SENC (Oct 16, 2014)

Since we don't have any sports fans here (except our resident Jeffersonian), no-one may get these:

He has too much yardage between the goalposts.
He's on the batting side of a no-hitter.


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## Alan Sweet (Oct 16, 2014)

...
But, he's a nice person
He's playing with a deck of 51
His hair is nice
His dogs never leave the porch
He is a waste of good organic material

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Kevin (Oct 16, 2014)

Alan Sweet said:


> His hair is nice



You're obviously not talking about Tony.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## SENC (Oct 16, 2014)

Kevin said:


> You're obviously not talking about Tony.


Yes, please stay on topic, guys!

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 1


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## Tclem (Oct 16, 2014)

SENC said:


> Yes, please stay on topic, guys!


What topic. Me? Lol

Reactions: Like 1


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## Tclem (Oct 16, 2014)

SENC said:


> Since we don't have any sports fans here (except our resident Jeffersonian), no-one may get these:
> 
> He has too much yardage between the goalposts.
> He's on the batting side of a no-hitter.


Batting side of no hitter. Haven't heard that in a while. Come on man my knees need surgery due to catching for 25 years. Lol

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Mike1950 (Oct 16, 2014)

50 cards short of a full deck
all his cylinders are not firing

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Schroedc (Oct 16, 2014)

If brains were powder, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

That gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Kevin (Oct 16, 2014)

Schroedc said:


> That gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Way Cool 1


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## Mike1950 (Oct 16, 2014)

If brains were gunpowder he would not have enough to blow the fuzz off of a gnats arse.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Tony (Oct 16, 2014)

The All Time Favorite in the South:

Bless his heart!

Reactions: Agree 5 | Funny 1


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## Drgam (Oct 16, 2014)

A few bottles short of a six pack

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Kevin (Oct 16, 2014)

Tony said:


> The All Time Favorite in the South:
> 
> Bless his heart!



That's honest. And when it's really bad we say -

_Bless its little heart_

The addition of _its _and _little _is key to understanding just how bad the situation is.

Reactions: Agree 4


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## Kenbo (Oct 16, 2014)

Somewhere, there's a village that's missing their idiot.

Reactions: Like 2 | Agree 1 | Funny 4


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## Tony (Oct 16, 2014)

Kevin said:


> Bless its little heart





Kevin said:


> That's honest. And when it's really bad we say -
> 
> _Bless its little heart_
> 
> The addition of _its _and _little _is key to understanding just how bad the situation is.



And if you really want to be insulting AND Southern, you say:

"Bless his little pea-pickin' heart"!

Reactions: Agree 2 | Funny 1


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## manbuckwal (Oct 16, 2014)

Waste not, want not
If I had a nickel for everytime......


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## Kevin (Oct 16, 2014)

Tony said:


> And if you really want to be insulting AND Southern, you say:
> 
> "Bless his little pea-pickin' heart"!



That is so right! Tony no kidding I can see and hear my grandma saying that.

Reactions: Like 1


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## ripjack13 (Oct 16, 2014)

Hey 2 cell, quit acting like a moron.
He's about as confused as a fart in a fan factory.
He's as happy as if he had good sense.
If wood were brains, he wouldn't have enough to make a toothpick.
There's a tree stump in a Texas forest with a higher IQ.
He could throw himself on the ground and miss.
I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire.
Useless as Hip Pockets on a Hog.
Aren’t you smart!
Thicker than a donkey's dangler.
Trying to explain something to him is like trying to give a fish a bath.

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Tony (Oct 17, 2014)

My Grandmother that raised me used to say "He doesn't know his a** from a hole in the ground."

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Mike1950 (Oct 17, 2014)

could not pour piss from a boot if the directions were on the heel.

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 1


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## woodintyuuu (Oct 17, 2014)

colder than a witches tit in a brass brassier

Reactions: Funny 1


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## ripjack13 (Oct 17, 2014)

Did you ever listen to someone speak for a few minutes then think to yourself, "Who ties your shoe laces for you?"

Reactions: Funny 3


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## ButchC (Oct 17, 2014)

He's got dumb in reserve.

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Schroedc (Oct 17, 2014)

Couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag.

Reactions: Funny 4


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## Kevin (Oct 17, 2014)

Down here we say that about guys with no fighting skills . . . 

_He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. 

My grandma could kick his ass right now. 
Didn't your granny die about 10 years ago?
Yes.

_

Reactions: Funny 2


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## DKMD (Oct 17, 2014)

Dumber than a box of rocks
Not the brightest star in the sky/sharpest knife in the drawer
He's only got two neurons running around looking for a synapse
He's like a blister... Only shows up after the work is done.
Mouth breather
Nuttier than Chinese chicken salad

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Kevin (Oct 17, 2014)

DKMD said:


> Dumber than a box of rocks



One of our favorite movies has a similar saying in it -

_dumber than a bag of hammers_

Reactions: Like 1


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## SENC (Oct 17, 2014)

Kevin said:


> One of our favorite movies has a similar saying in it -
> 
> _dumber than a bag of hammers_


That is one of our very favorite movies, too! And there's another good one from that movie, something like: "Thank goodness your mammy died, if she'd have seen you she'd have died of shame!"

Of course, my favorite ia unrelated to the current topic... "They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad!"

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Kenbo (Oct 17, 2014)

Look at you go you little Crayon eating mother #$%#@.

Reactions: Funny 4


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## Kevin (Oct 17, 2014)

SENC said:


> "Thank goodness your mammy died, if she'd have seen you she'd have died of shame!"



That was Pappy O'Daniel to his son right before they went into the radio station in the corn field. The Soggy Bottom Boys were just coming out and they asked him if he was going to go sing into the can. He then proceeded to lecture them about the power of this new technology for politics. Truer words were never spoken. I couldn't find that scene anywhere but here's the one right before it . . .

Reactions: Like 1


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## duncsuss (Oct 21, 2014)

I can dig out a few more, some of them probably Britishisms ... I don't think these have appeared yet:

- as much use as a chocolate teapot
- not the brightest bulb on the tree
- if he had half a brain he'd be dangerous
- the wheel's turning but the hamster's dead
- the lights are on but nobody's home
- pass the mental floss
- couldn't organize a pi$$-up in a brewery

Reactions: Like 1


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## rob3232 (Oct 21, 2014)

Sorry, I rode the short bus??

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Johnturner (Oct 21, 2014)

He's from the shallow end of the gene pool.

Reactions: Funny 1


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