# The table that never should happen. Episode 2 and the bench that maims



## Brink

Here I go again. Lesee, this one will rack, pinch bottoms and fall over.

Reactions: Like 5


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## Brink

Maimes was supposed to be maims


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## Mike1950



Reactions: Agree 2


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## SENC

Where's the naysayer?

Reactions: Agree 1


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## ripjack13

Brink said:


> Maimes was supposed to be maims



I gotcha covered brother..

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Schroedc

One of them is upside down. Hard to sit on the rounded side....

Reactions: Agree 1


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## NYWoodturner

Brink said:


> Maimes was supposed to be maims


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## Kevin

NYWoodturner said:


>



Scott you undid what Mark did to undo what the monkey did! 

This place is more fun than a barrel of . . . . .

Reactions: Funny 3


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## NYWoodturner

Wow - so much for cooking and reading at the same time

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Kevin

NYWoodturner said:


> Wow - so much for cooking and reading at the same time



What's ion the menu tonight apart from those 'special brownies'?

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 3


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## Mike1950

Kevin said:


> What's ion the menu tonight apart from those 'special brownies'?




Magic shrooms?????

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Brink

Kevin said:


> What's ion the menu tonight apart from those 'special brownies'?



Mmmmmm, ionic menu. Almost ironic.
Guess what I'm having.

Reactions: Funny 4


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## Mike1950

Brink said:


> Mmmmmm, ionic menu. Almost ironic.
> Guess what I'm having.
> View attachment 64208




Man that is an ugly looking monkey that dog has..............

Reactions: Agree 2


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## Brink

Mike1950 said:


> Man that is an ugly looking monkey that dog has..............



I didn't see a monkey


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## Brink

Schroedc said:


> One of them is upside down. Hard to sit on the rounded side....



It's not so bad.

Reactions: Funny 4


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## ripjack13

Brink said:


> I didn't see a monkey


Brink's offended at that, Orangutans are much cuter.


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## Brink

I'm not offended. Even a smelly o-rang is cuter than a stupid monkey

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Brink

Scrubbing the twist and high spots off the bench.

Notice my way cool winding sticks.

Reactions: Like 6 | Way Cool 1


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## Schroedc

Brink said:


> Scrubbing the twist and high spots off the bench.
> 
> Notice my way cool winding sticks.
> 
> View attachment 64286
> 
> View attachment 64287




Holy Crap, I just learned something, I never knew you could rotate one half of a Workmate up like that to clamp down. I have two in my shop and never figured that out. That is one smart monkey!

Reactions: Like 1


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## Mike1950

pretty high tech Jon- lookin good.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Brink

Schroedc said:


> Holy Crap, I just learned something, I never knew you could rotate one half of a Workmate up like that to clamp down. I have two in my shop and never figured that out. That is one smart monkey!



Monkey couldn't desighn that.


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## Mike1950

Brink said:


> Monkey couldn't desighn that.




probably was the Mrs.................

Reactions: Like 2


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## Brink

Sawing some 4" thick oak for leg blanks.

Reactions: Like 2


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## Kevin

I can see the cracks already. Looks like the grand canyon in there. At least you can make money giving tours . . . 

*Come See The Grand Canyon of the East Only $5 Per Car Load. Free Peek at the Monkey On Tuesdays . . . *

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Brink

Not very inventive, @Kevin 

http://www.tripadvisor.com/ShowUser...3-Letchworth_State_Park-Castile_New_York.html


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## Kevin

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle. I never heard of the place but your oak tables could probably put them out of business.


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## Brink

That hurts....

Not really.


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## Kevin

Had me skeered. I was gonna cry . . . . 



Not really.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Brink

More done.

Reactions: Like 3 | Way Cool 1


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## Kevin

Chimney matches can come in real handy sometimes . . .

Reactions: Funny 3


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## Brink

Kevin said:


> Chimney matches can come in real handy sometimes . . .
> 
> View attachment 64931



Oh, @Kevin...

Reactions: EyeCandy! 1


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## Brink

Butterfly those nasty cracks.

Reactions: Like 3 | Way Cool 1


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## Brink

Wimpy human rumps don't like flat sitting surfaces...

Reactions: Like 2


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## Schroedc

The curve in the bench helps you stay on it after the 7th or 8th mug of grog.....

Reactions: Agree 4 | Funny 1


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## Brink

Getting legs done.

Reactions: Like 1 | Way Cool 2


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## Kevin

Da Monkey said:


> View attachment 65250



It's certainly got a good foundation, but sitting on that little surface area with those sharp edges is gonna hurt most humans. Just an FYI . . . .

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Brink

I'll round them over, a little.

Reactions: Thank You! 2


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## Mike1950

Brink said:


> I'll round them over, a little.




The new avatar is very appropriate!!

Reactions: Agree 1


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## NYWoodturner

Brink - I love the curves you have in this project. They are not curves that I would have chosen, but I like them more than what I would have done. Just curious what influenced the decision. They have a very Roman Gothic feel to them. I know thats a curve ball from left field but I had to ask anyway. Way cool!


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## Brink

The owner and I were on and off for a year and half, as we waited for the wood to be processed. Many pics and drawings were emailed back and forth. She has a vision of what she wants, and this is what we came up with.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Brink

I wake up this morning, and realize there will be an expansion/shrinkage issue between the legs and the seat. I was going to set the legs in mortises, but that will stress the legs.

Hmmmmmm

I got the solution.


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## Kevin

Brink said:


> Hmmmmmm
> 
> I got the solution.



You had the solution before you started - which is why the legs are of unequal length. But no one took your bait . . . . .


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## Brink

My legs or bench legs are different lengths?
Or my legs are different lenghts than the benches?


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## Kevin

Brink said:


> My legs or bench legs are different lengths?
> Or my legs are different lenghts than the benches?



Yep.


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## Brink

Which one?


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## woodtickgreg

How did I miss this? Glad I saw it, subscribed for the big reveal!


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## Brink

Working on the leg/seat interface solution.
Which means come up,with a live edge dado solution..

Reactions: Like 4


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## Kevin

I bet you hired a monkey to do that.


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## Brink

I did! 
But I kept stepping on his stupid tail, and he quit.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Kevin

Damn monkeys are as useless as cats.

Reactions: Agree 2


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## DLJeffs

Those nice, totally rational people from P.E.T.A. are trying to get ahold of you guys. Just saying.


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## woodtickgreg

Kevin said:


> Damn monkeys are as useless as cats.


Hey! Watch it, I like cats. LOL


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## Tony

woodtickgreg said:


> Hey! Watch it, I like cats. LOL



Me too! They look great mounted on the wall next to the fireplace

Reactions: Agree 3 | Funny 2


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## woodtickgreg

Tony said:


> Me too! They look great mounted on the wall next to the fireplace


BOO! HISS!


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## DLJeffs

Taste like chicken

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Brink

I like cats, too. 
Anything tastes good with some tarragon.

Reactions: Funny 2


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## woodtickgreg

Ya'll are just not right.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## Kevin

woodtickgreg said:


> Ya'll are just not right.



I agree Greg. Tarragon is too strong I prefer my cat meat basted with garlic, butter, and a just hint of curry. Calico cats are awesome - you can fool people and tell them it's spotted owl they taste nearly the same!

Reactions: Funny 6 | Informative 1


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## woodtickgreg

Kevin said:


> I agree Greg. Tarragon is too strong I prefer my cat meat basted with garlic, butter, and a just hint of curry. Calico cats are awesome - you can fool people and tell them it's spotted owl they taste nearly the same!


Good thing I don't have access to the ban button, can I ban the site owner and all the rest of the above cronies?

Reactions: Funny 2


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## Brink

woodtickgreg said:


> Good thing I don't have access to the ban button, can I ban the site owner and all the rest of the above cronies?



Just bump the dog for dinner thread

Reactions: Funny 4


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## Schroedc

Kevin said:


> I agree Greg. Tarragon is too strong I prefer my cat meat basted with garlic, butter, and a just hint of curry. Calico cats are awesome - you can fool people and tell them it's spotted owl they taste nearly the same!




Pics or it never happened.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Mike1950

Hey I have had cougar roast and it was pretty tasty. 2nd largest cat in Idaho at the time.


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## Brink

Getting the legs done.

Reactions: Like 4


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## Brink

Christmas tool gloat...

Reactions: Like 2 | Way Cool 10


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## NYWoodturner

Good to see you back in the shop. Two questions though...
#1 - whats the plan for the end of the legs in the picture that will attach to the foot? and....
#2 - When are you going to change your avatar?

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Brink

#1 -A: haven't gotten there yet.

#2-A: I just changed it

Reactions: Funny 1


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## SENC

Brink said:


> #1 -A: haven't gotten there yet.
> 
> #2-A: I just changed it


Brink, you really need to work on being less loquacious.

Reactions: Funny 1


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## Brink

I'll try.

Reactions: Funny 3


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## woodtickgreg

Michael Jackson, seriously?  Eeewwee! I like the last one better, LOL

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1


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## Brink

Stretcher time.

Reactions: Like 1 | Way Cool 1


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## Kevin

Brink said:


> Stretcher time.

Reactions: Like 1 | EyeCandy! 1 | Funny 4


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## Schroedc

@Brink - The bottom of that plane is all bent. I don't know how you are going to get flat surfaces with it......

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 2


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## Kevin

I've never seen a plane like that before. Pretty cool. It deserves a human though kind of a waste on a monkey that can't even grow his own tail.

Reactions: Like 1


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## Brink

More mortises, more tenons, more curves, more fitting...

Reactions: Like 1 | Way Cool 2


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## Tony

That is a cool plane! I could've used that when I built some wagon wheels earlier this year.

Reactions: Agree 1


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## woodtickgreg

So nice my friend, I love the stretcher. It's coming along nicely.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## NYWoodturner

Brink - The grain orientation on those legs is nothing short of genius. It adds a completely unexpected dimension. The stretcher design is spot on too. I'm still trying to anticipate how you will deal with the feet but have no doubt it will be impressive.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 1


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## Kevin

NYWoodturner said:


> I'm still trying to anticipate how you will deal with the feet but have no doubt it will be impressive.



I'm gonna guess they'll be let into pedestals. Except now he'll change it so I won't be correct.


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## Brink

I don't change my plans. I had the total look figured out many months ago.

Reactions: Useful 1


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## woodtickgreg

The new avatar is better, lol.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Brink

Planning some cut lines.




Making the feet.

Reactions: Like 8


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## Tony

Looking incredible! Can't wait to see the finished product. Tony

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Brink

Next up, I need to cut the TENONS on the legs, so I can mark and cut the MORTISES in the feet.

@ripjack13

Reactions: Like 3


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## SENC

What? Tenons first?!? The horror!!!!

Reactions: Like 2 | Agree 1


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## Schroedc

I thought we agreed there was no right or wrong order to do that?

Reactions: Like 1 | Agree 1


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## SENC

Schroedc said:


> I thought we agreed there was no right or wrong order to do that?


Nope, sorry, wiki says mortises must be first. That is why it is called mortise and tenon... if you do it the other way around it is a tenon and mortise joint, a distinctly different animal.

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 3


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## Schroedc

SENC said:


> Nope, sorry, wiki says mortises must be first. That is why it is called mortise and tenon... if you do it the other way around it is a tenon and mortise joint, a distinctly different animal.




That's not what Wiki says. I should know. I just changed it.

Reactions: Like 1 | Great Post 2 | Funny 4 | Way Cool 1


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## Wilson's Woodworking

I just found this thread and that is going to be one COOL bench. I will be watching with anticipation but it looks to me like there is a lot of monkey business going on here.

Reactions: Like 1 | Thank You! 1


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## Kevin

Wilson's Woodworking said:


> I just found this thread



Poor you. Well, whatever you see going on in this horror film, don't try it at home; these techniques are being performed by an untrained monkey that lost his tail in a circus accident, and now he has the worst case of tail envy you ever saw. He'll try to drag you down into his hellish world of monkey-see monkey-do woodworking . . . . .

Reactions: Agree 1 | Funny 4


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## Kevin

Schroedc said:


> I thought we agreed there was no right or wrong order to do that?



We is subjective; you've obviously been reading we-kee-pee-dee-up again.


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## Brink

Kevin said:


> We is subjective; you've obviously been reading we-kee-pee-dee-up again.



It's Brin-kee-pee-dee-up

Reactions: Like 1 | Funny 1 | Informative 1


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## Brink

Legs and feet are fitted.


 



 



 



 

Even shopdog enjoyed herself

Reactions: Like 5 | Way Cool 2


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## Brink

Legs are shaped, smoothed and gludedid together. Finally!

Reactions: Like 2 | Way Cool 7


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## SENC

Are you making one for each side?


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## Brink

I thought I was, then corrected to one bench. Owner is putting four mismatched chairs on the other side. She didn't want chairs blocking the view of the table.

Reactions: Like 1 | Way Cool 1


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## Kevin

Brink said:


> She didn't want chairs blocking the view of the table.



Remind her that she can put the chairs on top of the table, so it can still be seen.


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## Brink

Kevin said:


> Remind her that she can put the chairs on top of the table, so it can still be seen.



On the table? The one destined for catastrophic failure? Not advisable.

Reactions: Funny 5


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## Brink



Reactions: EyeCandy! 1 | Great Post 1 | Way Cool 4


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## woodtickgreg

Beautiful bench, coming along very nicely.

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## NYWoodturner

Damn Brink. I hope to hell she paid you whats thats worth. It's just absolutely beautiful. Every piece is very well thought out and spot on.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 1


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## Brink

She pays me for my labor + supplies. She's good with it, I'm good with it.

And there is still a big pile of lumber in my very small driveway.

Reactions: Like 1 | Way Cool 1


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## Tony

However much she's paying you, I doubt it's worth it. Excellent work, thanks for posting all of this. Tony

Reactions: Like 1


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## Brink

I added some more shape to the seat.



 

And managed to put on first coat of finish.

Reactions: Way Cool 5


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## Kevin

It looks pretty, but I'd be leery to sit on it. Looks kind of delicate.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Funny 4


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## Tony

Kevin said:


> It looks pretty, but I'd be leery to sit on it. Looks kind of delicate.



Kevin, that's only because it's on top of the Workmates!


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## Brink

Oh, Kevin, I'd never dream of having you sit on something that might collapse and do you harm.

So, you're more than welcome to climb up on this bench and see how it works.

Reactions: Funny 5


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## DLJeffs

Does that come with a fancy set of pulleys or wizardry gears and pinions to slide it to and from the table? Or maybe two very large, heavily muscled ex-super heroes or something? It's an extraordinary, beautiful piece but a little on the heavy side methinks.


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## Brink

Good point, the owners are ironman/iron women competitors.


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## jmurray

After viewing this thread in its entirety I may be going to the dark side, or simian side, whatever. Truely impressed with your work, love the fact that there was no power tools in any of the shots. Excellent craftsmanship !


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## Brink

jmurray said:


> After viewing this thread in its entirety I may be going to the dark side, or simian side, whatever. Truely impressed with your work, love the fact that there was no power tools in any of the shots. Excellent craftsmanship !



Thank you. Just because there's no power tool in the pics, doesn't mean none were used.

I did some chainsaw work before the lumber came in, then the jointer, planner and bandsaw were given good workouts getting rough stock prepped.

Reactions: Like 1


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## NeilYeag

Brink, this bench is to match the table you made right? Will you be making 2 benches total for the project? 

Will you post a pic of the table in place?

Beautiful work as usual!

Neil

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 1


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## Brink



Reactions: Like 2 | EyeCandy! 1 | Way Cool 1


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## Brink

All done, waiting to be picked up.

Reactions: Like 2 | Way Cool 4


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## Schroedc

Brink said:


> All done, waiting to be picked up.
> 
> View attachment 69744



What are they picking it up with? A forklift?

Reactions: Like 2


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## Brink

It's not that heavy. I picked it up off the workmates and set it down gently, so it didn't self destruct.


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## Kevin

Brink said:


> so it didn't self destruct.



Give it time . . . . . 



















Seriously, it's a beautiful piece Brink. I really like the design and the soft lines you gave it.

Reactions: Thank You! 1 | Agree 2


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## woodtickgreg

Very nice my friend, love what comes out of your shop!

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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## Wilson's Woodworking

What are the rough dimensions of that bench? It looks like a monster at about 8' long if I had to guess.


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## Brink

Wilson's Woodworking said:


> What are the rough dimensions of that bench? It looks like a monster at about 8' long if I had to guess.



Very good, it's 7-1/2' long

Reactions: Thank You! 1


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